A Child Shall Lead Them

Ruth pressed her forehead against the cupboard door. Tears threatened to spill—the counter ready to receive. Her hands gripped the empty mixing bowl. How—oh, how could she manage Christmas? The energy, the excitement, the beauty, once companions to her love for the season’s preparations—gone. So was her Cornelious.

Corny… he brought so much energy to the season with his love for lights, social gatherings, and generous gift-giving. I will miss his energy; her eyes pressed closed to hold back tears. My emptiness so hard to describe; my loneliness, even when surrounded by friends, too difficult to explain.

Someone on the radio crooning. "I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas" wedged into her thoughts. But like good food gone bad, the sound triggered revulsion. One twist of a knob banished the offender. Only one song for the season would capture her feelings: “I’ll Have A Blue Christmas Without You.”

The squeak of the back door hinges—another reminder of Corny’s quick attention to fixing those little things—alerted her to Tina’s arrival home from school. She reached for the flour canister, but Tina’s big hug restrained her arm. “Mum, Mum, Mr. Martel is putting up their Christmas lights. When can we put ours up… and… get the lawn decorations out? Daddy said we needed more lights for our spruce tree… and maybe a… a blow-up Santa and those reindeer with the tiny lights inside.”

Ruth moved her arm to rest on Tina’s shoulder, her emotions struggling to lash out, remembering Tina’s words from yesterday: ‘When can we start Christmas baking?’ Today, it’s Christmas lights and lawn ornaments. Tomorrow, another request. Oh, I wish we could just escape to another country and skip these Christmas preparations. But the excitement on her daughter's face forced her to smile. “Hi, sweetheart. I’ve been thinking about that. How do we get them up? Having someone do it is expensive. Things are different this year, Tina. Ruth tightened the hug on her daughter’s shoulder. The sparkle in Tina’s brown eyes clouded with tears.

“I know, things are different with Daddy gone, Mum, but don’t we need to keep some things the same? Couldn’t Mr. Martel help us with the lights?”

Her cry of anguish tore at Ruth’s heart. She’s hurting too. Corny and she were so close. “Mr.

Martel is a busy man. Help me make some sugar cookies, and then you choose the shapes and decorate them, okay?”

Tina’s request the next day was different. “Mum, this is my friend, Anya. She’s new to our class. Her family comes from Ukraine. Her Daddy’s back, fighting a war.” Tina rushed on. “They live in the apartments near the school. I’m gonna help her learn English. Can she stay for supper? Her Mum says it’s okay.”

She’s pushing me again. Just wondering what the two of us could have for supper, and now

there’s a guest. The excitement in Tina's voice, the sparkle in her eyes, and a request for something other than another gift she wanted for Christmas. Tina had reminded Ruth just last week that Corny had promised her AirPods for Christmas, and then she showed her the picture of the ones she wanted. They were pricey, but… “Hello, Anya. Yes… Ruth answered hesitantly, but Tina, you’ll have to help me with supper.”

“How about Mac and Cheese, Mum?

“But we have Anya here. We can’t serve Mac and Cheese.”

“I like makarony z syrom, Anya offered timidly as she took a step closer to Tina.

Pain clouded the glow of the approaching Christmas Day. Ruth and Tina’s house remained dark, while one house after another illuminated the blackness of night with colourful lights. The continuous sound of Christmas songs seemed like a requiem for a dead holiday. Each well-meaning invitation to a Christmas gathering made it difficult to decline and overwhelming to attend. The happiness of others seemed to deepen Ruth’s unhappiness. Then, arriving home from shopping that Saturday evening, she paused, surprised to see their house softly glowing with Christmas lights.

Concerned she owed someone money, she called out upon entering, “Tina, who put the lights up on our house?”

“Oh, Mum, isn’t it nice to see our house all lit up?” Tina ran towards her mum, excitement in her voice. “I figured Anya’s family needed lights along their balcony, so I gave some of ours to them. I told them about losing Daddy two months ago, and we weren’t using our lights. Anya’s brother, Anton, offered to help me put up our lights. He’s tall, Mum.” Tina paused and proceeded more cautiously. “Are you mad? I wanted to surprise you.”

“No, darling,” reaching out to hug her. “The lights do make our house belong with all the others on the block. But you should have asked first.”

“I was afraid you’d say no.”

The voices of the church choir were distant as Ruth's mind drifted. She recalled Tina’s comment from the day before, “I was afraid you’d say no.” And I probably would have. I can’t understand why, but I just don't want to celebrate, want distance from all that festivity. The resentment towards putting up the house lights, the searing pain, comes from memories. Corny always made decorating the house and lawn a family activity, complete with cookies and hot chocolate to celebrate when it was finished.

Mr. Block approached the pulpit to read scripture. His deep baritone voice reminded Ruth of Corny's voice, her mind circling back to the last time she had spoken with him. They were watching a football game on TV. He was as enthusiastic about football as he was about Christmas. At halftime, he suddenly asked, “What would you like for Christmas, Hon?” Ruth couldn’t recall her response. He had clutched his chest and dropped to the floor after standing to go to the bathroom. But, at this moment, she knew her answer now would be, “You”.

Ruth's attention refocused on Mr Block's reading. The passage described a time of peace everywhere. Animals that usually prey on each other would often lie down together; snakes, for instance, would not harm an infant. And then, the line that truly caught her attention, “and a little child shall lead them,” which brought to mind Tina and the lights.

Anya’s family suffered greatly. The war in Ukraine was not going well. The pain and stress hit home when Anya reported her grandmother’s house had been bombed. They were alive but had nowhere to stay. Her Dad was moved to the front lines, so they couldn't talk to him anymore. “Mum,” Tina looked at her mother pleadingly, “Anya’s mum is working now, but they don’t have much for Christmas. Anya says they’ll go to their church on Christmas Eve, and all the families will receive a gift there, but what can we do to help them? Can we take over some Christmas baking?” Aunty Emma said she’d come over to help, didn’t she, to bake mince meat tarts and other goodies?

Ruth’s inertia hadn't taken her beyond baking sugar cookies. Tina’s voice, suddenly soft and

apologetic, continued, “I don’t want those AirPods anymore.” Then her voice grew excited.

“Mum. I have a gift for you. Something I think you’ll like. I bought it with my saved

allowance…” She touched her mother’s arm, her voice quieting. “Mine doesn’t have to be

expensive.”

Tears welled in Ruth’s eyes. What a precious gift Corny has given me in this child. She wrapped her arms around Tina and, with a new sense of energy, said, “You and I will bake mincemeat tarts and gingerbread cookies on Saturday.

Ruth wasn’t prepared for Tina’s next request. In fact, it pushed past her emotional limits. “Mum, Anton could use some warm winter clothes. Can we give him some of Daddy’s?”

“Tina,” Ruth snapped. “Have you been promising him clothes? You don’t do things like that

without talking to me.”

“No, Mum, I didn’t promise,” she replied in a teary voice. “I just know he needs some winter

clothes and thought of all Daddy’s clothes hanging in a closet and...”

The idea of giving away Corny’s clothes terrified Ruth. Those were the items she could still

touch, breathe in his scent, and feel his presence, sparking memories of when he last wore them. The thought of losing them brought tears to her eyes. “Tina, darling, you are so thoughtful, but I’d like to keep his clothes a little longer.”

Tina and Ruth sat closely together in a pew meant for six, but tonight they managed to fit eight at the Christmas Eve service. Ruth listened as others sang carols; she was there in body but not in spirit. She saw Anya's face as she talked about her Grandmother's bombed apartment, about Mrs. Melnyk missing her husband on the front lines of war. Her attention returned to the service. Pastor Janz began. “My message this evening is based on the Isaiah passage read two weeks earlier, which speaks of a coming peace for the world. “In that passage, we heard, ‘A little child will lead them.’ Tonight, we celebrate the birth of that child. That child grew into the man who spoke of a new world, a different kingdom, where love is practiced: love of enemies, love of those who are different, love of the marginalized, of the outcast, sick, the needy. He called for forgiveness and taking new steps. When we look at the world today, you may wonder, where is that perfect world, that peaceful Kingdom? That new world doesn’t come easily. The good news is that it can start with each of us. We need to let go of our hurt, our anger, and our ill will and move forward into a new future. Tonight, as we leave this church to celebrate Christmas, let’s honour this child by practicing those qualities he passionately preached.”

As the congregation rose to sing "Silent Night" and hold their candles, Ruth felt a little more

desire to embrace the season and its message. She glanced over at her Tina, her little girl, the one guiding her out of her darkness, and took her hand.

The blackness of that December night glowed with a thousand tiny lights decorating the houses on the street. The lights on their house twinkled, adding to that beauty. Corny would be proud that we kept his love of lights alive. Ruth put her arm around Tina as they walked into the house. “Let’s choose a few of Daddy’s clothes tonight, wrap them, and give them to Anton as a gift tomorrow. We’ll find something for Anya and her mother, too.”

Tina’s arms, thrown around her mother’s neck was a reminder Corny wasn't far away.